She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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