I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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