you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dicks are not precious.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
