Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
