: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
