so explain again why im purple
no
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
