Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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