We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
