You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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