I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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