Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
