Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Someone came in the potted fern
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
