I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
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Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
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