She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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