I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
