I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
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I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
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If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
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