I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
