All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
