dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
