There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
