I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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