I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
