i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
