and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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