At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
