and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Pooping to opera.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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