she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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