The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
