Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
