if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
