What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
