Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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