i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
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I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life