Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide

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  (513): Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide http://tfl.nu/gj7h
  Replies (19) Good night (794) Bad night (3813)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.

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  (619): Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes. http://tfl.nu/4wgk
  Replies (45) Good night (28913) Bad night (2289)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.

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  (281): He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back. http://tfl.nu/ko52
  Replies (13) Good night (5961) Bad night (1017)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.

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  (541): This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors. http://tfl.nu/qolh
  Replies (27) Good night (5542) Bad night (1324)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester

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  (724): yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester http://tfl.nu/0tku
  Replies (20) Good night (4728) Bad night (2699)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM

  (909): View more from California

  I'm scared to ask why.....

  (509): View more from Washington

  1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.

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  (509): I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM (909): I'm scared to ask why..... (509): 1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare. http://tfl.nu/ztpp
  Replies (13) Good night (4926) Bad night (1016)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.

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  (315): you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast. http://tfl.nu/j66a
  Replies (8) Good night (3134) Bad night (1085)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?

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  (405): Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin? http://tfl.nu/sa7c
  Replies (12) Good night (3077) Bad night (1190)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.

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  (847): she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay. http://tfl.nu/cwvk
  Replies (4) Good night (807) Bad night (3047)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.

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  (720): No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No. http://tfl.nu/pprs
  Replies (18) Good night (2185) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.

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  (812): You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time. http://tfl.nu/0lxp
  Replies (7) Good night (2819) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.

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  (561): well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement. http://tfl.nu/wjgp
  Replies (10) Good night (813) Bad night (1825)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).

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  (760): Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know). http://tfl.nu/1aw3
  Replies (8) Good night (1256) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex

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  (561): P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex http://tfl.nu/zcn5
  Replies (3) Good night (539) Bad night (176)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.

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  (817): Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner. http://tfl.nu/2b8m
  Replies (3) Good night (273) Bad night (148)

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