just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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