i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.