Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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