i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
two words: eviction party
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
