I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
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Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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