When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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