If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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