I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
