You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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