I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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