apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
