Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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