do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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