But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
