Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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