our cab driver is having phone sex.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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