I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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