remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
