At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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