I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
