It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
