You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
