I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
