The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
