woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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