what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize