I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
