Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
