I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
