just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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