He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
